I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
