My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
