where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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