I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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