Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
