i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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