Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize