my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
