that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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