matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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