Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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