I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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