the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
