He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
