do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
