To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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