ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
