..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
