Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I love you.
Bad choice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
