I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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