Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
