Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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