ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
