I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
