I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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