I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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