if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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