This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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