i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
