the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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