A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
