Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
