"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
