I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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