I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
