some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
