he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
