I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
