Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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