I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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