Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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