He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
