So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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