By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
