remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize