last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
