PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
