just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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