Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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