You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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