I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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