3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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