I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
