i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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