Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
