just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
