there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
