i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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