i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
