I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
