My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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