i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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