He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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