11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
