The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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