Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
