even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
