Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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