so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
