i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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