i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
