We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
