i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
