Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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