halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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