if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
