first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sarcasm needs its own font
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
