Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
